” who owns your time owns your mind. change your time and you change your mind. change your mind and you change your world “
These past 7 days, for the first time in 4 and a half moons (I will explain using moons vs months in another post), I had Juana, Ananta’s nanny, come all week. All week means everyday except my day-off (Fridays), and Sunday, when I take li’l A to the office with me (Welcome to Mexico FUN!). I felt a hodge-podge of emotions.
Guilt. Relief. Worry. Excitement. Anxiety. Happiness. The list goes on.
Previously, it was Ananta’s dad who was watching her when I had to return to the office full time. Prior to that, I was working from home; and before I had to work again it was just the baby & I, with a little bit of Papi’s help..no yaya to save the day.
These days Ernesto (from here on in shall be referred to as E) is out of town for work, and although my boss has no issues with me bringing the baby to the office, I would rather only do so when its super duper slow..mothering and office-work only seem to mesh on Sundays. =)
**update: Juana has now been replaced by her sister, Maria..who has a 3-moon old boy, Alexander.
Mainly I was feeling bad about spending a lot less time with my baby, and not being there for the many firsts she will be achieving in the next couple of months. But I am happy to report that I was there when she rolled over all by herself for the first time…I even have photos to mark the momentous occasion. =)
|after rolling over by herself for the first time!|
Despite the halo-halo special of sentiments, I am, in the end, at peace with our set-up. I get to give my 100% to work during the week, li’l A & I spend quality time with each other before and after my 11-7 shift, and Maria, who is a mom herself who knows what its like to be separated from her child, cares for mine during the day on my behalf. E gladly does it when he is around of course, but from now until late November, Maria shall be the one to provide the loving touch and comforting gaze I, given other circumstances, would give Ananta 24/7.
I did blog a while..they were tripped out musings mostly, nothing like what I said it would be. Then I disappeared in the act.