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Contemplating Angels

So the Mother of the “Doobie-Brothers” that live across the office passed away the other day. That’s what we call the guys from out front that sell Herb and other stuff…thanks to them Sunday mornings smell sweet, making the day coast along like the waves.
God knows if they also consume the rest of the shit they deal; they’ve been busted by the cops a couple of times – white pick-up with  bright blue and red lights to match, but as far as I know they’ve never been disrespectful to any of us girls at work.

The day after the First Night of Mourning,  one of them was sitting on the stairs on the street leading up to our building. He was wearing the same black sunglasses he regularly uses to cover his blood-shot, sparkling eyes…that day, I’m sure that no matter how much he smoked there wouldn’t have been any glitter in them at all. 😦

As I walked up the stairs, bashfully asking for permission to pass, I stammered into asking about the Doña; he nodded and say yes. I asked about the little girl, his 4-year old daughter that his mother takes care off – he said she was fine; so I asked about him, and of course he said he was the same.Then, an awkward milli-second where despite deeply feeling his pain, all that came out of my mouth was “buen día”.

Really?

Good day??
How the hell do you expect him to have a good one on the day his mom dies of cancer???

Nice one, Andy! Whose smoking crack now? 😐
Geez.

Upon entering the office, I immediately asked the girls how one expresses their condolences in Mexican street talk. There were a lot of suggested formal expressions, but none of them seemed to convey what I would’ve wanted to say.
EPIC FAIL!

5 minutes after, still not being able to get over of how such an idiot I was, I clipped a fully bloomed yellow rose from one of the office plants, opened the gate and walked back to where The Neighbor was sitting…

“Perdón, no sabía que decir más temprano. Pero tal vez pueden poner esto en el altar de su Mamá…lo siento mucho.”
(“Excuse me, I didn’t know what to say earlier. But maybe you can put this flower on your Mother’s altar…I’m really sorry.”)

He said thank you, and I went back to work.

Nope.

Definitely wasn’t the typical neighborly exchange, but it was much more genuine and heartfelt than most of the conversations I’ve had all week. For a moment, their tabloid-worthy narco-story was a non-issue; all of a sudden the judgement melted away and they were just another family that lost a mother, wife, and grandmother.
So what if they have a not-so-clandestine illegal drug-store operating from home? 

At the end of the day, weren’t they just Humans suffering pain and loss?

At least for now, how they make a living is irrelevant.
RIP to the Doña from across the street.

~8~


My first experience of death within the family (that I remember about anyway) was when my grandfather died. Lolo – gramps in Filipino. Jose Molina Alberto.

I don’t remember what I was told about what was truly UP, or what was going on…what of Death, After Life. I do remember being SOOO chicken-shit about ghosts though.
(TRUE STORY! Parts of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen? I have learned to delete from my mind, but only after feeling intense fear of whatever the heck it was in the first place! :Ç)


~8~


I first had to explain death to Ananta at 3.
Our cat Pushkin died. (He was murdered, actually – by the biggest tomcat in the neighborhood. Another TRUE STORY)

I told her Pushkin died, which means we wouldn’t be seeing his body any longer. So what will happen is, his body Will Go Back to the Earth, and his Spirit? It will go to the Sky, where Great Spirit Is.

(Great Spirit is The One that gives Life to All – the bushes, bugs, birds, beasts etc…Everything that lives has a Spirit, and it all comes from Hunab Ku, where Great Spirit lives. )


So, we can be sad for a moment, but its more beautiful to remember our departed loved ones**, because that’s when they Live On Forever in our Hearts, and become Angels!

**This is what I love about Mexico! They celebrate the Day of the Dead – celebrate as in fiesta! Food, flowers, mariachi…it could be the whole shebang! Or simply, making a colorful altar with pictures and offerings to Nuestros Muertitos (Our Beloved Dead) – which they did in playschool, thankfully! Because I didn’t grow up with that tradition.

~8~


So today It Came To Me that remembering our Ancestors is a practice that I should be inculcating into my Little One…

Ancestors.
AKA Dead Loved Ones.
But also, The Living Elders.

Los Abuel@s
Si Lol@
(AKA Grandma and Gramps)
Including Ti@s. Padrinos. Madrinas. (siiii! lets visit the Madrinas!!!)

Which means, I think that’s what we should be doing for her birthday!!!! The idea is to do something for the first time, so it will be better remembered…

Her 4th.
(Already?! I know! Damn…)

On her 3rd it was dolphins, this year let it be the rest of the animal kingdom! A museum trip! And remembering my Abuelos, her bis-abuelos from my side.
(I´m so grateful that she´s met her bis-abuela Hilda from E´s side!)

Mmm…
It doesn’t hurt to dream out loud and ask for help from our Ancestors and Angels, right? 😉

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Reflections on the 7th Moon

Monkey Moon 7 of Attunement (Jan10th-Feb6th)
How can I attune my Service to others?
1. Take a Sacred Pause – 10 days into the Gregorian Year, I finally took some time to reflect on the year past. It was a simple meditation offered by Shakti expert Lisa Schrader, and given that I was feeling stressed about not having done anything related yet + high season was especially busy for me this year, it was super welcome + comforting. ❤ If you have not done something similar…it is never too late! No way you can serve others if you can’t even be there for yourself…
(Take some time to ask your Self the following questions:
What worked for you in 2013/what were your wins?
What were the Dark Moments of 2013 that you would like to honor?
What wants to move on/go forward/evolve and what needs to be left behind/buried/let go?
)
2. Come clean – having grown tired of an internal battle about not being true to my feelings, I came clean to my Self about what my Heart truly longs for. Plus points for being truthful to one other! 🙂
3. Feel into It – more than just declaring what you desire…I’ve learned that cultivating the feeling of already being/doing/having what you desire is important. Ask yourself: how would it feel to be/do/have what I want? Its like an emotional visualization of sorts…
4. Take action – (­I am not a life coach/wellness expert nor do I pretend to be one with these reflections. This is just a way for me to internalize and express my experiences because personally that’s how I learn better) It doesn’t serve anyone for you not to evolve…baby steps are better than staying where you are.
5. Know and love yourself first – had a date with Me. 🙂 I love my own company! ❤
6. Get looney if you must – full moon, yo…woohoo!
7. Re-connect with what makes your Heart swell – after noticing how short-tempered + impatient I had been, a little bit (a lot) of QT with lil’A + Yoga + writing was in order. This is why I was born…YES!
8. Check off your To Be-Do-Have list – unlike the regular To Do list, which always focuses on what you have to do to be able to be or have something, this one first looks at who you need to beto be able to do or have what is required/desired.
9.
10.
11. Do your Home-work – after 2 particularly stressful days, I finally went head to head with my most unwanted chore: mopping. :S Didn’t particularly enjoy it, but felt great after. lil’A helped out too. 🙂
12. Remember what you’ve learned (and apply!!!) – re-read old journals…so much wisdom in re-visiting the past (note: no need to re-live, just re-visit)
13. Take a break – slept early and woke up “late“! Releasing the pressure to perform is a miracle drug!
14.
15.
16. Be brave – Papa’s 69th!!! Wish I was home…
17. Be clear about what you want to experience – Sun-date with lil’A that didn’t exactly turn out how I wanted it to be because I kept on changing my mind about what to do. :S
18. Nourish your Soul – Having learned quickly from the day before, threw plans out the window and had a great day. 🙂 Pedi-spa + wine-holder shopping + kirtan with Little A. ❤ 
19. Rest
20. Acknowledge your feelings – Without having to know why or wanting to fix it, just sat down with my gloomy self for an evening…
21. Be content with What Is
22. Honor What Was
23. Be grateful for What Will Be
24. Share your experience and listen to your own wisdom – chit-chatted with a new co-worker and shared a piece of Me…listening to myself talk was an unexpected learning experience. (Sometimes, you just have to hear yourself speak your truth out loud, and then you’ll see the wisdom of your own story.)
25. Protect yourself, from yourself if needed – Ganesha kirtan with didgeridoo (woohoo!)
26. Get informed – started big-school/official-kinder hunting…
27. Take note of who is receptive – sent out an SOS…
28. Show up for you and yours – lil’A & I checked out another school option…a bilingual Montessori that is walking distance from home and within my economic reach. THANK YOU! Loved how I was able to be more myself as a parent there…looks like I’ve found the one!
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hello 2014

A whole month and 2 days into this year already.
Shit.
That was quick! I only just had the chance to reflect on 2013 two flippin’ days ago!
But heck, we all have our own personal rhythm of creation, don’t we? So good on you if on January 1st you already knew exactly how the rest of 2014 is going to pan out! And if not, that’s cool too. 🙂
Sometime in the last week Ananta & I had our first ideal day of the year ❤
I woke up early (6.30am), hummed, practiced Yoga, made a vegan breakfast before my Little One woke up, had fresh fruit first thing, drew/learned about underwater creatures and their English translations, enjoyed said breakfast, took lil’A’s bike out, went to a “new” park for the first time, played on the swing and slide, geared up for daycare/work without drama…all of that and still made it to the office with time to spare. 🙂
(FYI, the rest of the days prior were somewhat neurotic, slightly stressful, and of the shoot-me-now kind)
BLISS.
Cheers for days just like that (and even better), and to those that are yet to come!!!
So how did I manage such a big turn around?
Because days prior I was bordering depression, feeling defeated, somewhat uncomfortable and pretty much living blah-ly.
To be honest, I didn’t really DO anything. Or consciously make an effort to be un-blah anyway.
But after deciding that I didn’t really enjoy wallowing in the muck of blah-ness, I decided that whatever floats my boat flows.
So..days prior, since I had a pedicure-spa gift certificate that was expiring soon, I went to get myself pampered. And because I had an e-money Christmas card that I hadn’t used yet, I got myself the wine-holder I’ve been wanting. And since humming makes my Heart sing, that’s how I started my day. And so on, and so forth.
Pretty soon I am getting this or something like it tattooed on my right wrist. (Valentines gift to self)
Image
I want it to be a reminder for how I want the rest of my year to be.
Drastic? Maybe so. But it wouldn’t hurt to be reminded to Be True to my Self for the rest of my life either.
Wouldn’t hurt at all.