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3.16.2017
Yellow Planetary Human. GAP day (Galactic Activation Portal).

I PERFECT in order to Influence
Producing Wisdom
I seal the Process of Free-Will
with the Planetary Tone of Manifestation
I am guided by the power of Universal Fire.
I am a Galactic Activation Portal…enter me!

Solar Moon of Intention (Moon 9 of the Jaguar). How do I attain my Purpose?

It’s been almost 2 and a half years since I last wrote here :/
(I should make a tradition out of writing you on your birthday…telling you what things are like that year in your life. But I’ll write about Life’s Current Settings anyway, even if we are 3 months shy of your 7th.)

Well…it’s been 9 months after your 6th year. I’m struggling to stay awake to write this. It’s 11.27pm a day past mid-March of Gregorian 2017.

You fell asleep pretty late tonight…roughly 9pm, since we had to finish making a project of yours due tomorrow. (Today you had a field trip to a ranch in Bucerias, your 2nd…your first field trip, on your first year in elementary, was to the dinky zoo in Puerto Vallarta. Yes…we still live here.)

Apparently, you want to be a dancer when you grow up! ❤ ❤ ❤
(Your homework was to make a presentation about what profession you would like to have when you are older.)

When I was around your age I yearned to take ballet classes too, you know? I remember one summer in Virac…there was some kind of center where my cousin Bic & I went to take classes. They had ballet there…but somehow I ended up in the piano class instead, which sucked because I really wanted to dance.

You’re in first grade now; doing very well in school (this bimester you averaged 9.8 in Spanish, and 9.9 in English). I’ve decided to transfer you though. Your campus now is green and great…my main reason for choosing the school, but they have a serious organizational and communication problem…which has left me with a not-so-great taste in my mouth. You’re finishing out the year there, of course…and I’ve already enrolled you in another school where your ex-English teacher now teaches (Ms Lupita, Ceci, your sometimes nanny’s aunt who is extremely passionate about kids…she quit the green school because of some tension with administration)…but just today I thought about putting you in the all-girl’s public school downtown. We’ll see how things turn out…

Things are changing, Love. Nothing visible as yet…but I can feel it coming.

You are growing so freakin’ fast though! That, everyone can see. (You know all the swear words by now, and every time I say them you gasp in disbelief. LOL.) You have long and strong legs, wavy hair, bright eyes and the most beautiful smile…but your heart is the most beautiful of all. You are even sweeter than you were before, so considerate, so generous, so forgiving, so loving.

Every day I thank Great Spirit for granting me the honor of Mothering you. Some days I do better than others. But you are very patient with me, and every night when we pray, I thank God for your understanding and love.

Do you remember your 5th year, mi Amorcita?

We went to the Philippines. I finally circled back shortly before marking 11 years away from home (I left in July 6, 2005), and you went for the first time to my Father’s land, to meet him. He passed shortly after we arrived, but we made it on time…it was bittersweet, and you were my rock. It has been almost a year since.

We went to Virac, that place where my dream of being a dancer was not realized (I have since taken 1 dance workshop, when you were 4…it was very liberating), and you also met your aunt Bic, and her son Harry, along with Auntie Nana and Sofia’s kids, my aunts and uncles, as well as most of your second cousins…the kids of my first cousins…basically most of my side of your family, the Filipino part of you. You tasted taho for the first time, pancit canton, pancit malabon, longganisa, dirty ice cream ( ❤ ❤ ❤ ), fish ball, kikiam, and we learned that you like sopas. 🙂 You’re a great travel-buddy!

It was your last year in kindergarten Tenochtitlan too, and now that you are 6 and already in elementary, you still haven’t forgotten your crush from back then…his name is Sebastian. 🙂

You are so wise, my darling. I opened up to someone when you were 5 (he was there when you turned 6)…who became very much a part of our lives that year, except things didn’t quite work out. One day I crumbled and when you saw me in tears you said “It doesn’t matter what he says Mami…what matters is that I am your daughter.” Not a single teardrop shed after that. You taught me Acceptance. Months later, you casually said you missed him and his crazy black dog…you taught me Forgiveness.

I can’t thank you enough for all you have given me. All my sacrifices to raise you are merely a humble offering, given in gratitude for all that I learn from you, your Light, and your Love. You truly are an Enlightened One. Has my childhood ambition now been realized then? (When I was growing up…instead of a doctor, teacher, architect, etc…I wanted to be a saint.)

Thank You for Being Here, Querida. Your prEssence is like no other.
I love you always, in all ways.

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First-time Parent to a Kinder-going Kid

So the other day I found out that enrollment for first-time kindergartners was last week…
Woops!
( First-time parent to a kinder-going kid…BIG FAIL. :S )

Of course I kicked myself for a couple of hours that day, even lashing out on my mom when she asked “how could you forget?“ (Sorry Ma! And yeah, good question…how?!?!) Heaven knows I begged all the angels’ for their help as I moved around my work schedule the next day so I could talk the directress into accepting Ananta…but eventually I forgot about the whole fiasco as I played around with my Spiritual Mandala. ❤

 

At some point that evening I remembered what happened…and had to laugh out loud (literally) when I logged on to FB and first saw this photo on my feed:

 

what-my-guardian-angel-must-look-like-at-times

 

I loved the humor and timing of it all, but the message from the Universe was loud and clear…CHILL. TRUST. ITS ALL GO(O)D.

 

The next day (which I later learned was the last of the school year), I dressed up as respectably as possible for the summer heat, and marched over to Jardin de Niños Tenochtitlan. Despite it being public, I always had a good feeling about the place because of its name, and also because it is a small pre-school (1 class per batch) and its super close to home (2 streets over). My other option was a Montessori school 4 streets over, but the schedule would’ve been too long for lil’A’s first year in official kinder + they have elementary in the same building…potentially intimidating for a shy child like mine. For a number of other reasons it was my first choice, so to say I REALLY wanted Ananta to go there is just about right.

 

Lo and behold…the directress was VERY accommodating. She even said that if I had not come she would have called or emailed me! (Really? A public servant would do that? Faith in good government slightly restored.) AND, all I had to do was fill up a form and that was it!
Holy shit, I wanted to cry!
Thank you Mama-God! Thank you Angels! Thank you Universe!

 

Trust.
BIG lesson for me right now.
You are Exactly where You have To Be in the timeline of your Life…no need to rush, or push so hard for results, or beat yourself up for “screwing up”…there is no such thing because that’s when the lessons are best learned…when they came from your mistakes.

 

Soon enough, Ananta will be learning a whole bunch of things in school…but who is to say it will just be from what the teacher says?
I pray that she learns more from Life than just from the books.
I pray that her teachers, myself included, have much patience, integrity and courage…she is, after all, still learning mostly by example and imitation.

She is not the only one that is going to have to do a little bit of growing in the next few months…

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4 years in

4 days ago, 4 years of Motherhood.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Ananta Malaya…how you’ve grown!!!!

I still remember the day you were born…I always will.
A week past your estimated “due date” (as if you were some kind of scientific paper to be submitted, or a book to be returned), I was still very much pregnant!
But you knew better. In your own time, you came. You were out in 3 pushes…we made a good team!
I reckon the excitement of having watched your first movie with your Papi & I (Avatar) prodded you to come out…you are growing up to be quite the movie-buff just like him!


On your first year of life we celebrated you on the banks of the Nogalito River. A lovely Priestess honored us by officiating your water ceremony. You…our bouncing Buddha-baby, that same day baptized, were surrounded by a Circle of Love and Blessings from me – your Mami, Papi, your beloved family, and godparents. (The after-party was at your padrino Edgar’s pool.)


Year 2 came by quickly…no longer a baby for bidding the bottle and diaper goodbye, and yet, you were still barely a young child! This time we had lunch, cake and some pool-time in a cafe called Co-Exist. Indeed, as we opened our Hearts and Home to another, we learned how to that year.

At 3, once again just you & I, the world changed as words came pouring in. You could already speak your name, recognize 3 tongues, and you delighted in knowing what everything was. You had your first piñata party at day-care (with candy giveaways to match…so much sugar, oh my!), and just you and I…we swam with a dolphin and played at the (water)park.

This year you turned 4.

Four
The most basic measure of the natural cycles of time; the defining structure of any natural construct.

You are now complete within yourself, defining your own reality through fantasy and play. You now bring your creative visions into existence by defining the form in which they are to be constructed. Eg: This is how the game goes – the meerkat (whom you lovingly Zorrito, when it is really a suricata) is best friends with the cow (whose name is Vaquita, of course); or in this story, the kitten hatches from an egg and isn’t born from the Mommy-Cat.

My gentle, Little Warrior…you are growing up to be bolder day by day! You can discern between choices now, and have certain preferences sometimes different than mine! How lovely it is to see! (At this point, it still is…)

This year, as you decided to go to the waterfall instead of the pirate-boat party I originally planned for (good timing though, because it was cloudy and you had a cough)…I am continually amazed at how things turn out much better than I could have ever imagined them to be if I just follow your lead.

We went to Palo Maria this time around. Walking with a master-teacher of mine from long before you were born, I thanked the Gods once again by honoring your days in the Waters that bring Life.


Hold my hand now, Little One!
   Flesh from my flesh,
      Spirit from the Heavens
   My Living Prayer and Dream…
Lead us back to the garden from which you sprang.


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Contemplating Angels

So the Mother of the “Doobie-Brothers” that live across the office passed away the other day. That’s what we call the guys from out front that sell Herb and other stuff…thanks to them Sunday mornings smell sweet, making the day coast along like the waves.
God knows if they also consume the rest of the shit they deal; they’ve been busted by the cops a couple of times – white pick-up with  bright blue and red lights to match, but as far as I know they’ve never been disrespectful to any of us girls at work.

The day after the First Night of Mourning,  one of them was sitting on the stairs on the street leading up to our building. He was wearing the same black sunglasses he regularly uses to cover his blood-shot, sparkling eyes…that day, I’m sure that no matter how much he smoked there wouldn’t have been any glitter in them at all. 😦

As I walked up the stairs, bashfully asking for permission to pass, I stammered into asking about the Doña; he nodded and say yes. I asked about the little girl, his 4-year old daughter that his mother takes care off – he said she was fine; so I asked about him, and of course he said he was the same.Then, an awkward milli-second where despite deeply feeling his pain, all that came out of my mouth was “buen día”.

Really?

Good day??
How the hell do you expect him to have a good one on the day his mom dies of cancer???

Nice one, Andy! Whose smoking crack now? 😐
Geez.

Upon entering the office, I immediately asked the girls how one expresses their condolences in Mexican street talk. There were a lot of suggested formal expressions, but none of them seemed to convey what I would’ve wanted to say.
EPIC FAIL!

5 minutes after, still not being able to get over of how such an idiot I was, I clipped a fully bloomed yellow rose from one of the office plants, opened the gate and walked back to where The Neighbor was sitting…

“Perdón, no sabía que decir más temprano. Pero tal vez pueden poner esto en el altar de su Mamá…lo siento mucho.”
(“Excuse me, I didn’t know what to say earlier. But maybe you can put this flower on your Mother’s altar…I’m really sorry.”)

He said thank you, and I went back to work.

Nope.

Definitely wasn’t the typical neighborly exchange, but it was much more genuine and heartfelt than most of the conversations I’ve had all week. For a moment, their tabloid-worthy narco-story was a non-issue; all of a sudden the judgement melted away and they were just another family that lost a mother, wife, and grandmother.
So what if they have a not-so-clandestine illegal drug-store operating from home? 

At the end of the day, weren’t they just Humans suffering pain and loss?

At least for now, how they make a living is irrelevant.
RIP to the Doña from across the street.

~8~


My first experience of death within the family (that I remember about anyway) was when my grandfather died. Lolo – gramps in Filipino. Jose Molina Alberto.

I don’t remember what I was told about what was truly UP, or what was going on…what of Death, After Life. I do remember being SOOO chicken-shit about ghosts though.
(TRUE STORY! Parts of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen? I have learned to delete from my mind, but only after feeling intense fear of whatever the heck it was in the first place! :Ç)


~8~


I first had to explain death to Ananta at 3.
Our cat Pushkin died. (He was murdered, actually – by the biggest tomcat in the neighborhood. Another TRUE STORY)

I told her Pushkin died, which means we wouldn’t be seeing his body any longer. So what will happen is, his body Will Go Back to the Earth, and his Spirit? It will go to the Sky, where Great Spirit Is.

(Great Spirit is The One that gives Life to All – the bushes, bugs, birds, beasts etc…Everything that lives has a Spirit, and it all comes from Hunab Ku, where Great Spirit lives. )


So, we can be sad for a moment, but its more beautiful to remember our departed loved ones**, because that’s when they Live On Forever in our Hearts, and become Angels!

**This is what I love about Mexico! They celebrate the Day of the Dead – celebrate as in fiesta! Food, flowers, mariachi…it could be the whole shebang! Or simply, making a colorful altar with pictures and offerings to Nuestros Muertitos (Our Beloved Dead) – which they did in playschool, thankfully! Because I didn’t grow up with that tradition.

~8~


So today It Came To Me that remembering our Ancestors is a practice that I should be inculcating into my Little One…

Ancestors.
AKA Dead Loved Ones.
But also, The Living Elders.

Los Abuel@s
Si Lol@
(AKA Grandma and Gramps)
Including Ti@s. Padrinos. Madrinas. (siiii! lets visit the Madrinas!!!)

Which means, I think that’s what we should be doing for her birthday!!!! The idea is to do something for the first time, so it will be better remembered…

Her 4th.
(Already?! I know! Damn…)

On her 3rd it was dolphins, this year let it be the rest of the animal kingdom! A museum trip! And remembering my Abuelos, her bis-abuelos from my side.
(I´m so grateful that she´s met her bis-abuela Hilda from E´s side!)

Mmm…
It doesn’t hurt to dream out loud and ask for help from our Ancestors and Angels, right? 😉

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hello 2014

A whole month and 2 days into this year already.
Shit.
That was quick! I only just had the chance to reflect on 2013 two flippin’ days ago!
But heck, we all have our own personal rhythm of creation, don’t we? So good on you if on January 1st you already knew exactly how the rest of 2014 is going to pan out! And if not, that’s cool too. 🙂
Sometime in the last week Ananta & I had our first ideal day of the year ❤
I woke up early (6.30am), hummed, practiced Yoga, made a vegan breakfast before my Little One woke up, had fresh fruit first thing, drew/learned about underwater creatures and their English translations, enjoyed said breakfast, took lil’A’s bike out, went to a “new” park for the first time, played on the swing and slide, geared up for daycare/work without drama…all of that and still made it to the office with time to spare. 🙂
(FYI, the rest of the days prior were somewhat neurotic, slightly stressful, and of the shoot-me-now kind)
BLISS.
Cheers for days just like that (and even better), and to those that are yet to come!!!
So how did I manage such a big turn around?
Because days prior I was bordering depression, feeling defeated, somewhat uncomfortable and pretty much living blah-ly.
To be honest, I didn’t really DO anything. Or consciously make an effort to be un-blah anyway.
But after deciding that I didn’t really enjoy wallowing in the muck of blah-ness, I decided that whatever floats my boat flows.
So..days prior, since I had a pedicure-spa gift certificate that was expiring soon, I went to get myself pampered. And because I had an e-money Christmas card that I hadn’t used yet, I got myself the wine-holder I’ve been wanting. And since humming makes my Heart sing, that’s how I started my day. And so on, and so forth.
Pretty soon I am getting this or something like it tattooed on my right wrist. (Valentines gift to self)
Image
I want it to be a reminder for how I want the rest of my year to be.
Drastic? Maybe so. But it wouldn’t hurt to be reminded to Be True to my Self for the rest of my life either.
Wouldn’t hurt at all.
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8th Anniversary in PV

8 years ago today, I landed on these shores.
~ 8 ~
I can’t believe it’s been 8 full rings already! A whole double loop of years since I left the land of my birth and flew in to this magical port…
Puerto Vallarta. (Its tag line should be “te atrapa”)
How much has One changed since…
From the clueless, 24/7-partying Uni-grad (UPLB, repreZENt!)
  to the lovestruck maiden-goddess
     then Buddha-flying it (ie. butterfly-ing) to Yogini-Mom…
I honor this journey
– the adventures,
challenges,
milestones,
and moments of silence…
ALL OF IT.
8 years!!!
I think it’s about time to go Home, no?
Pay homage
to The Roots, and The Voyage
Close this cycle and start a new chapter…
I’m curious to see where the next bundle will unfold.J (Lead me to new landscapes, Goddess!)
8 years ago today…
The next day we went to see a movie to celebrate Mavis’ 13th…we saw the Fantastic Four.
Funny…yesterday they showed it on local TV.
It’s as if things are naturally circling back to where they began and now everything is repeating itself, only this time it’s Level 2 (or watered down by the passing of days, as in the case of silverscreen-to-telly for that fateful movie).
So if I were to do this whole Mexican experience all over again…what would I do?
Ok, so maybe not “do it all over again”
Instead…how would I go about it, now that I am in Level 2?
Coincidentally I scheduled a gyne appointment today…she was happy to see how lovely Yoni is looking these days.J (woohoo!!!)
What a great way to celebrate my 8th year here!
Because come to think of it, much of this journey has been about discovering my sexuality, my passions, my (He)art, my Self…
I got my first job here
Traveled miles with nothing but the clothes on my back
Found Love
Chose Love
Was born a Mother
Yolked it up with Yoga…
So how would I go about it again?
I would honor the Goddess within, every step of the way.
May It Be So.